Aaaaahhh! Happiness.....to feel ZEN....
Being a mother and letting ourselves be happy, to think only of ourselves....hmmm, say what?
I have so much difficulty letting myself do anything for myself, by myself! And it is now getting to be such a major problem that I am hating the husband for letting himself think of himself and take time for himself. Wait a minute, I believe the word is RESPECT! He respects himself.
I think I am good at respecting others, just very bad at respecting myself.
What made my bowl overflow sort-to-speak (turning point) yesterday was hearing my husband's message on the answering machine saying he wouldn't be home for another day. He has been away for 4 days, meaning total of 5 days. Away hunting, sleeping alone, preparing meals for only himself. AAAHHH!! wow!
I did this once in 2004, I went to see my sister (have to take a plane to see her) for a week alone. No kids for her at that time and I left my 3 with the husband. It was an incredible week!
So now at the age of 40 and after feeling sad and hated by my husband for stranding me here for yet another day with the kids and their routine, and hating he for putting me in this situation. (I don't want to feel like this, I want to be happy for him...how do I do that?)..
I have decided to find something that will make me happy. I am thinking learning wise. Possibly school, but I think it might be more towards volunteering. Letting myself stay away for work would also be a good start. There are often opportunities for me to be out of town for a couple of days and I don't let myself say yes. Letting my husband start and finish jobs around the house instead of budding in and finishing them. Taking time to go for walks/jogs at night and coming home after the kids have been put to bed.
Being a better person to myself, to be better to my children and husband. Loving myself enough to let me do these things.
A work in progress!
A Final Good Bye
11 years ago
There is something about entering our 40's that begins the realization that it's OKAY to take time for ourselves. It's interesting how the men don't have this problem. I'm not knocking them. I think it's important to take time our for ourselves. But men don't seem to have a problem just doing it. I know I make a million and one excuses as to why doing something for me and me alone won't work.....it costs too much, the kids won't get their homework done, the husband will have to be in change and he's worked 50 hours this week already, etc etc etc.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to read what you decide to do!
Oh Elise, I have been feeling this exact same way. The husband doesn't think twice or even ask if it's OK to go out with his buddies golfing or to a movie. When I'm working on the weekends he often goes out golfing and leaves the kids with his mom and/or dad (depends if his dad golfs with him) I actually have this weekend off for "Vacation" time that I booked and he's already told me he's golfing Saturday morning with his buddy, he didn't ask, he just told me...I've got a tee time booked. Why is it that we feel guilty if we want to do something for us. I can't rationalize why I would get a babysitter to go out with a friend, like Colleen said, it costs too much, they won't get in bed, etc., etc. I've even got lunch plans with an old school friend for tomorrow and do you think I've told the hubby yet....NO...I'm afraid he'll make me feel guilty about spending money on lunch out. Why do I have to feel this way? I think we need to start doing things for ourselves. The men don't understand that even though we weren't actually at work getting paid we were still working at home probably harder and we need a break too.
ReplyDeleteI hope you can find something that you will enjoy and feel rewarded with.