Aaaaahhh! Happiness.....to feel ZEN....
Being a mother and letting ourselves be happy, to think only of ourselves....hmmm, say what?
I have so much difficulty letting myself do anything for myself, by myself! And it is now getting to be such a major problem that I am hating the husband for letting himself think of himself and take time for himself. Wait a minute, I believe the word is RESPECT! He respects himself.
I think I am good at respecting others, just very bad at respecting myself.
What made my bowl overflow sort-to-speak (turning point) yesterday was hearing my husband's message on the answering machine saying he wouldn't be home for another day. He has been away for 4 days, meaning total of 5 days. Away hunting, sleeping alone, preparing meals for only himself. AAAHHH!! wow!
I did this once in 2004, I went to see my sister (have to take a plane to see her) for a week alone. No kids for her at that time and I left my 3 with the husband. It was an incredible week!
So now at the age of 40 and after feeling sad and hated by my husband for stranding me here for yet another day with the kids and their routine, and hating he for putting me in this situation. (I don't want to feel like this, I want to be happy for him...how do I do that?)..
I have decided to find something that will make me happy. I am thinking learning wise. Possibly school, but I think it might be more towards volunteering. Letting myself stay away for work would also be a good start. There are often opportunities for me to be out of town for a couple of days and I don't let myself say yes. Letting my husband start and finish jobs around the house instead of budding in and finishing them. Taking time to go for walks/jogs at night and coming home after the kids have been put to bed.
Being a better person to myself, to be better to my children and husband. Loving myself enough to let me do these things.
A work in progress!
A Final Good Bye
5 years ago